Thanks to my children I have had my attention drawn to a fine article written by one Avery Gillis, a journalist who has spent a great deal of time investigating one of 2017’s most important world issues: What it takes to become, or become classed as, a Disney Princess. Having listened to my children’s interpretation of Ms Gillis’s thoughts I am now much more convinced than I was previously that I am well on the way to becoming a Disney Princess, if I am not one already.
Ok, here goes.
The first qualifying standard is that one has to be human, or if that is not possible, half human. I am firmly of the belief that I qualify under the former, although my immediate family might think that it is more common for me to be the latter at least, that is, until I have had my first cup of coffee of the day. Other may disagree with both interpretations but the last time I visited the doctor or applied for a job no-one appeared to raise any concerns abut my homo sapiens or more advanced status. Ok so far then.
The second qualifier is the need to been the lead character in a Disney movie. This is clearly only a matter of time and is the reason why I am on the road to becoming a Disney Princess and not a fully fledged one yet. I am hopeful though and would be grateful for anyone in the film industry who could lend assistance and influence. Crucially one way of apparently not being classified as a Disney Princess is being the star of a sequel. I do not know of any films named “Robin Lawrence: The Return,” “Robin Lawrence 2,” or even “Robin Lawrence: Even Faster and Certainly More Furious,” so I think I am in the clear on that one.
After all this the remaining qualifiers are much more straightforward. I have to complete one of the following: either be born a royal (I have checked my lineage and don’t think I am related to Queen Elizabeth, The Sultan of Brunei or the Former King Juan Carlos of Spain. However there is a national day off on Monday for the installation of the new Malaysian Sultan. While I have not received the call yet I am still hopeful. Ok so being born a royal is less likely I could cement my credentials about becoming a Disney Princess by marrying into royalty. I am sure that Lexi would be happy to stick the word Queen in front of her name to help me and, may secretly be related to Charles of Teck or the Windsor Clan. We receive enough emails from Nigerian and Middle Eastern Princes begging for our help in their quest to move large portions of cash out of their country so maybe I already qualify as Royal. The final thing that I need to complete in case I do not manage the royalty thing is an act of heroism. Ok so I have not rescued any kittens stuck up trees recently, but I do regularly stop to assist old ladies across roads. (The least said about hospitalizing an old lady in a shopping street in Norwich in 1991 the better.) However my most recent act of heroism, as agreed by Queen Lexi de la Wife, was to drive to her school and collect her, so as to stop her and Rupert getting soaking wet in the rain.
So there we have it. I am almost a Disney Princess. All I am waiting for now is for Disney to come knocking at my door or phoning me up. Over to you, Disney.