Oh come on Ambridge writers: you are really getting into the realms of ridiculousness now. Just when I thought that splitting up Tom and Kirsty couldn't be beaten for far-fetched storylines, with the result of them writing out two really good characters the creators that be have decided to try to upstage this by adding in an even more ridiculous story: the plans to build a road right through Brookfield Farm, the home of one set of eponymous heroes. Apparently this should have been news to the owners of Brookfield, Ruth (recent recoverer from breast cancer, miscarriage sufferer and hard-working Geordie wife of) David Archer, but surely the writers have got things wrong again. The news of the potential route was apparently revealed at a public meeting and the plans, including a cow bridge, came as a complete surprise to these particular Archers. Surely as landowners they might have noticed surveyors looking at their land, public displays of potential routes, and the like? But no. We are meant to believe that these folk are clever enough to spy a sheep that scratches too frequently but do not have enough wit to spot the possible route of a bypass across their land. It is so silly that it makes me want to make a soothing mug of Milo ....
... If only Milo making were that easy though. I know that nestle are evil and nasty, but I do like a mug of their chocolatey stuff every once in a while, especially when my school makes milo available to its teaching staff, along with tea bags, milk, instant coffee and sugar. Recently though there has been a change in the system for obtaining such essentials for the smooth running of one's educational and physical faculties. The job of Chief of Milo and Teabags (no one in my dept drinks instant coffee) has recently been reallocated away from one colleague who currently does loads of work to one who, it was considered, did not have such a heavy load. However to "stream-line" operations a very complex set of operating procedures have been put place. Malaysia is a country that does not do trust very well and will certainly not use two staff where three would do and so today I approached the Chief of Milo with empty jar and hopeful expression, a la Oliver Twist. I had checked that I had arrived during one of the two official Milo Times (please don't get visions of diet coke adverts) mainly because last time I had been heavily scolded for daring to ask for more at 3.00pm on a Wednesday when the official memo stated that I needed to be in the appointed place between 0900 and 1000 on Monday or Wednesday. Naturally I arrived at 0956 today. The Chief of Milo gave me a withering look and I followed in their footsteps to the locked cupboard, clutching my empty jar, doing my best to keep a straight face. The almost empty bag of Milo was produced and I took a big chance: I offered to fill the Drama jar myself. The Chief was a little taken aback but accompanied me all the way to the nearby sink watched every mote that I poured into the jar and quickly relieved me of the few grams that remained in the bag after pouring. Heaven forbid that I take more than my department's allocation. Perhaps I should delegate this task? Maybe I should seek to employ an agent to act on my behalf ....
... Which brings me on to the latest news about Astro TV. I have clearly made a terrible error of judgement in my quest to watch World Cup Football. I learned, in late April, that only Astro, owned by Malaysia's second richest man, had the rights to live World Cup matches and that if I wanted to watch the footie I would have to subscribe. So I applied to Astro on 27th April. At time of writing nothing has happened. I have phoned seven times, sent them five copies of my passport as requested and have even had two apologies from their managers. Yesterday I phoned an agent who assured me that if I applied through him, at no extra cost to me, he would see to it that the system was set up within seven working days. Thanks to the agent, one Legolas Goh, I received an email from Astro today as an acknowledgement. Maybe, just maybe, I might get to see the trophy lifted?
And on the subject of trophies I found one of the most ghastly looking trophies in the Drama Department today. A robed and winged lady holds a rice bowl aloft while standing on a complex structure of towers, spikes, wreaths and all this lot is surrounded by four eagles, one with a broken wing. Finished in cheap gold paint this plastic creation was set on a wooden plinth with a cheap metal plaque on the base which read "ISKL Foreign Language Dept Swimming Challenge." Apparently the winners of this fine thing was the "French Classes" two years in a row (1981 and 1982). Sadly no-one was award this sculptural masterpiece in 1983 and from then on it appears to have resided in my school's Drama Department. Should I return this thing to its rightful home?