It is a well known fact that nothing can disrupt a lesson like a fart can. Weather wind tries to cause problems for teachers and learners alike, snow brings its blanket of problems, even fire drills (often timed by pure coincidence for when deputy head have their least favourite class of the week) try to disrupt but fail abysmally when compared to a well brewed and perfectly timed fart.
It hadn't happened in my years in Malaysia to date, but finally did on Friday afternoon. Firstly some context. Children at my school are well behaved and want to do well. They also thank teachers for their lessons and generally approach everything with a "let's give this a go" attitude.
And so to the lesson in question. All was going well from the start time of 1.10pm. The class had become familiar with one of my favourite sections of Romeo and Juliet, the bit where Lady and Lord C break the good news to their little Jules that she is going to get married on Thursday to the handsome Paris. The lesson was all set up to look at what makes children argue with their parents and having dramatized moments from their day to day lives in argument form the children were applying their newly analysed child/parent heated debate skills to the Capulet Family. Stanislavski watched on from cloud nine, pleased with what he saw.
Just as we were playing with the idea of the walls have ears, at around 2.03pm (17 minutes to go) a sound, like the sound of someone desperately trying to hold a fart in but failing ever so slightly, occurred. Immediately, as there always is when these things happen, there was a fraction of a pause as the world of drama analysed what had just happened. Various children held their breath, for various of reasons. And then the moment passed and I and all bar one of the class carried on.
D was the child who did not carry on, but, credit to him, he did try. He looked away as best he could, refocused on the wall and then made sure that he was looking at me, and definitely not his mate M, as all of the class and I moved on from the fart and started to think what the walls that have ears might say in response to the major ding dong that was going on between the Capulets. But try as he might D just could not do it. His shoulders started going up and down, his clenched tight shut mouth battled to let out an enormous laugh, and small tears started to flow out of both his eyes. Gradually the class's collected concentration, along with mine, found itself drawn to the thousand agonies that poor D was suffering. Recognizing a dead horse when I saw one and deciding that flogging the thing would do no good I tried to put the lad out of his misery by saying in a light and cheery voice, "Oh dear everyone, D has farted, poor lad," and learned immediately that children in Malaysia find it very funny when their teacher utters the word "Fart." Chaotic and riotous laughter ensued and almost covered the heated, but good-natured, debate between D and his mate M as to who exactly was responsible for the fart. Others chipped in with a viewpoint on the matter and we almost had a full scale debate, a bit like the Capulet family.
Having all had a good laugh the class and I managed to bring the lesson to a sort of close having learned the following important lessons: if only Lord Capulet had have farted after threatening Juliet then perhaps tragedy might have been averted. She and Romeo could have had a long and happy life together. Sadly the Capulet family had not shared a school dinner that day.