Flattery is an art. A beautiful art in which the flatteree should be wooed by mellifluous words carefully chosen to put a spring into their step and a smile on their face. The flatterer has a duty to make the flatteree feel good about themselves and their part in the world full of fluffy lambs and spring flowers. Occasionally flattery can be a mutually enhancing craft in which the flatteree turns flatterer and receives delightful words in reply to their well-meant and sincere praising overtones.
There was a fine outburst of mutually affirmative flattery in Dramaland at the close of play today in which teacher A praised teacher B’s ability in coaching actors. Teacher B swiftly answered by praising teacher A’s chosen enlightened and imaginative play format. All of this was witnessed by another teacher, a visitor and contributor to Dramaland’s important work, who sported a curious expression following the exchange, an expression somewhere between “Is this just a Drama thing?” and “Should I start doing this in my department?”
In short flattery, in its purest form, is a fine thing.
Sadly flattery is an art that can be swiftly tainted and used for Machiavellian, tactical intent. Beautiful flattery can be corrupted into assertive flattery by those in the know. Those on the receiving end of such monstrous distortion can often find themselves agreeing to take on a course of action that they had, hitherto, never considered doing or, worse still, sits well outside their expertise range.
In schools there are many expert performers of this nefarious version of flattery. Last year I was dragged through the flattery mill by an expert proponent. This person used the phrase common to people who celebrate the dark and mysterious sounding title of ‘critical friend.’ The phrase was: ‘You are exactly the right person for this.’ I ended up doing the task that I was apparently exactly the right person for. I was a victim.
People of the world beware and learn.
I learned a great lesson from a colleague today who had been on the receiving end of a similar experience to me. Reflecting on this conversation with my wise and scholarly associate I have spotted a chink in the armour of the Assertive Flatterer. As with all villains AFs love to check that their flattery is having the desired effect, hitting home as it were, and so pause, albeit momentarily, after adding the job title, arduous piece of work or irksome chore that they have done their best to flatter you in to agreeing to undertaking. That is moment at which the reluctant flatteree must strike. They have three courses of action. Firstly to rebuff the assertive flattery by explaining, clearly and confidently, that they do not have the talents that the AF insists they have and that they would most likely create a right pigs ears of the selected task. This has the downside of making you look like an incompetent, but at least it means you don’t get lumbered with stuff you don’t want to do. Of course the AF might arrange for training for the victim to become tooled-up, which would be the worst of all outcomes, but usually time and finances are tight so that idea never occurs to them.
Secondly the flatteree could go to the dark side and explain that while they do not have the necessary attributes for the role they do know exactly the person who has just the skills for the task, i.e. any other poor sod except them.
Then there is the ultimate solution. A combination of the first and second course of action whereby the receiver of assertive flattery replies along the lines of part one (they don’t have the skills etc) plus part two (they know exactly the right person for the job). And that person in question? The Assertive Flatterer themselves, after all everyone likes to be flattered, don’t they?