If anyone remembers that documentary about Graham Taylor and his reign as the England football manager then you will recall that it soon became infamous for loads of frustrated swearing and his question / statement "Do I not like that!/?" I seem to remember that it was said by Mr T about a refereeing decision, in his last game as boss, as he heard metaphorical nails being bashed into his career storage unit: the metaphorical coffin. But did he like that, whatever "that" was?
I find myself asking exactly that same question about Ko Samui, a large island off the Eastern coast of Thailand. Lawrences arrived by car and ferry having travelled from Kuala Lumpur over several days. I decided that we wanted the adventure and that a slow, gradual journey, taking in what we wanted on the way, as well taking what we wanted to with us was exactly the thing to do.
However there were plenty of challenges in getting to The Lamai Plaza Residences, from where I currently write this stuff. Firstly we all came down with a tummy bug, while staying in Songkhla, a delightful place, with amazing beaches, almost no tourists, and excellently comfortable toilet seats in the hotel we were staying in. Fortunately the bug worked its chosen path out of us fairly swiftly, but it did mean that we needed to stay put for a night longer than we had expected to. That meant a later arrival at the Donsak to Ko Samui ferry port than we had hoped for.
We got to the port at around 7.30pm and joined a long queue. There was no information in the queue and we were only relying on our sat nav to confirm that we had made it the right port. Fortunately, thanks to Lexi and I's two years in Lao, which now feel like a very long time ago, we managed to use our fledgling and much forgotten language to he establish some information from the port office. There were two more ferries that night. Both were full, possibly. But we could wait. There were more ferries the next day, starting at 6.00am, and apparently we could not book a ticket for any of them. The ferries might be full. We were slightly stuffed and so took the decision to join the queue, resigned to a long wait. Both ferries that night were indeed full and we found ourselves in the both annoying and welcome position of front of the queue for the 6.00am ferry, at 10.00pm. Children nodded off in slightly reclining seats. Lexi disappeared hunting food and returned sometime later bearing two Thai pot noodles and water. We needed all the sustenance we could find for the long wait ahead.
We passed an hour by listening to The Archers podcast, some hours trying to get comfortable, almost an hour trying not to scratch, plenty of hours sweating and ten minutes counting all the vehicles in the queue behind us (23 at 3.45am). One nice moment though was when one of the security guards offered to loan me his moped so that I could ride off in to the night to track down some more food.
After a long time 4.45am arrived and joined the many lorries and coaches that filled the lane that we were not at the front of. At 5.00am the lorries and coaches drove into the port and began embarking, leaving me sweating some more hoping that front of the queue would be enough to get us on. Fortunately we were waved through by the friendly guard, but not before he had looked at my passport. Strange how he would have loaned me his moped to go off wherever I wanted to but had to look at my passport, for some reason or other, to allow us to progress from one part of Thailand to another. We did get on the ferry and did get to Ko Samui, but not before another check of the passport by another bloke. This time I gave him Lexi's. The different name, photo, hairstyle or gender didn't worry him and he waved the way the through.
I like the turn up and get on approach to ferries but it is very frustrating that people can't book a place unless you're appear to be one of the people who can, of whom the Lawrences are clearly not one of. As Graham Taylor has uttered "Do I not like that."
It took a long time to find Lamai Plaza Residences for several reasons. We had an address, but, having been to Thailand several times before we knew that that didn't mean much. We also had a sat nav, that we had paid to have Thailand maps put on. And that worked well. The problem on arriving at Lamai was that it is so built up. Every patch of land appears to have had a hotel, bar, restaurant, hotel, tailor's, bar, money changer, nail studio, bar, massage place, bar, tattoo studio, motorbike hire place, hotel or bar built on it and every business has a sign pointing to it, in addition to a sign above each place. It is a sign-writer's paradise, especially given that many signs are in multiple languages too. So trying to pick out where Lamai Plaza Residences were was very tricky. We stopped and asked four motorbike taxi people who immediately decided that they had no idea where the place was until between them they decided that it was "somewhere up there on the right." We drove on past more bars, restaurants, tailor's etcetera etcetera until, quite by chance saw, of all things, a sign pointing to Lamai Plaza Residences.
Lamai Plaza Residences is a very well done set of, well, residences, ours having two bedrooms with high quality fittings and a kitchen too. But in keeping with the Graham Taylor question I am not sure whether I like it. It is plush, even taking into account that I have a very low level of need when it comes to accommodation, but the owners have managed to squeeze twelve such detached constructions onto a small patch of land. Strangely, in the few nights that we have now been here no more than half have been occupied. And that appears to be the picture over much of the area in which we are staying. Mass development of land, building the most number of rooms, bungalows etc with only one third or half occupancy. Could people have not build fewer, saved construction costs and materials and then filled their places?
The saving grace of the area, after you have walked through three packed-in resorts, past a few bars, a tailor, and another soon to open tattoo parlour, is the beach. White sand, perfect angle down to the sea, plentiful waves of the type that children like, coconut palms. Ok you have to ignore the resorts exactly behind the nicest patches of beach but it is still quite nice.
So far Ko Samui has made me ask Saint Graham's questions several times, "Do I not like that?"
Right off to go and visit Mr Bam and his mobile cocktail stall, which I think I like, for two takeaways for Lexi and I. I have to walk past 18 open but empty bars to get there. What would Graham Taylor say?