As I mentioned previously learning to drive, or to be more accurate, getting a Malaysian Driving Licence, could be classed as cumbersome at best or a pain I the arse at worst. This morning I tackled part two of a five or six part process: the computer theory test.
Preparation is crucial in all matters like this and so over the past few weeks I have been completing practice tests on a helpful app that contains all 500 of the possible questions. This would appear to be easy, especially given that the questions and multiple choice answers are in English. However the first main challenge is understanding the very particular form of English in which the practice questions are written. Questions about road signs, registration plates and colours were all easy to deal with but it was the odd-one-out questions. That were the most tricky. “What are the requirements for the issue of a learner driving licence to an applicant EXCEPT?” is a case in point. In other words what don’t you have to do to get a learner driving licence? To complicate matters further there are two positive answers and one negative, with the negative answer being the correct one “Did not attend the 5 hours KPP course and issued certificate of attendance JPJL2A.” My limited maths reminds me that two negatives make a positive and that it might have been a positive for all concerned had I not attended a nonexistent 5 hour course sitting and listening to the course in the past, which was actually officially a 6 hour course, but was in reality a seven course because it started an hour late.
Next there were the questions in which all three answers were possibly correct: “The following factors can cause accidents EXCEPT: talking / dozing off / drunk.” The decidedly odd: “Mental states has an effect on a person’s: legs / hand / mind.” And my favourite question, which gets right to heart of what every driver needs to factor in to their every driving moment: “Choose a condition that shows positive tension: marriage / death / sick.” Only when you have truly mastered this question can you be considered 100% competent to get behind the wheel of a car.
To summarise I spent a long time learning the required answers to questions that I did not necessarily understand the meaning of as well as learning stuff that I was pretty sure that I would not need. I can now confidently say that I understand that would be bus conductors have to have a vocational licence, but are exempt from the practical driving test and that one should always use the 12 second rule when overtaking. I also swotted up on demerit points, gaining ten of which could cause new Malaysian motorists to lose their PDLs (if motorists did not use one of Mr E’s avoiding paying your fines work arounds).
And so it was that this morning Trixie and I, having dropped Edwin off for a dance lesson, drive off to my latest driving test. As with part one I first had to pass a sartorial test. With Mr E’s stern words ringing in my ears I made sure that I was wearing trousers (check), shoes (check), a collared shirt (striped, not checked) and that I was not wearing sexy clothes or rubber pants (check). The next challenge was finding the way into to the test centre which was not accessed by various sets of stairs and had very little signage.
On arrival no-one commented on my choice of garments, although I did notice one potential candidate wearing white jeans and white t-shirt. Was she flouting the rules, I wondered? After handing over my passport to the official in charge of the place I sat and waited for a while before being told that there was no booking for me today, despite being told by an as yet unmet Mr K , some bloke who had arranged all this for me, that all had been arranged. The official made some calls and soon all was well. Words were exchanged and it appeared that I did have a booking after all.
My thumb print was next taken, four times, despite me only having the usual numb of thumbs, my photograph was also taken too and then there was more waiting. Eventually Mr Robin was called through to a vacant computer and my 45 minute test could begin. Making sure I read the questions carefully and recalling another of Mr E’s sayings “They want you to fail to earn them more money” I set to work on the test and completed it in ten minutes and fifty seconds for the fifty required questions. Scoring 47/50 I had passed and could breathe a sigh of relief and move on to the next stage.
Next up is six hours of driver training at a driver training centre. The trainers can be assured that I already understand the question: What should a drunk driver do? Either: approach a friend to sit in the passenger seat and give directions; Or: drive with friends on board; Or: approach friend who did not drink to driver (sic) or use public transport. Mr E had jokingly informed his students that either of the first two were fine, but it was probably best to follow the last option.