The following names and words have been made up, but are based on a very real story.
Alan: Sheila you are never going to believe what happened at the station today.
Sheila: Which station?
Alan: Hualampong of course. You know I always park my motorbike taxi there.
Sheila: Well I was only giving you a chance to set the scene for the story. Go on. What happened?
Alan: Well I was sitting outside near the taxi drivers, you know the ones who always try to rip off foreigners by charging them three times more than the metered fare.
Sheila: Why don't you rent a taxi by the day, like others?
Alan: Cos you know as well as I do that we can't afford 1200 baht per day plus LPG gas.
Sheila: OK, sorry I asked.
Alan: So I was just sitting there passing the time of day with Dave and out of nowhere Trevor comes rushing out the station shouting "Quick! Get ready lads. Hurry up!"
Sheila: You haven't been up to no good with that Trevor again have you? You know what I think of him, don't you Alan? He didn't get that flash green Honda 250 by ferrying only people around did he?
Alan: Oh give over, Sheil. Trev's alright.
Sheila: Well I'd never trust a bloke with long hair, wispy moustache and that dodgy grin.
Alan: (getting a bit irritated) Sheila, Trev's alright. So he came rushing out the station.
Sheila: And you did what, precisely?
Alan: Listened to what he had to say of course. "Start you bikes lads we got some silly foreigners who need fast motorbikes. Stupid idiots have missed their train to Hat Yai."
Sheila: No way.
Alan: Yes. There were five of them.
Sheila: Five?
Alan: Yeah. Hassled, but certainly very pretty, looking wife, three kids. Two boys, one of the wearing a blue football shirt that I had never seen before, and then the stunningly handsome and adventurous father.
Sheila: A priest?
Alan: No you twit. The bloke. It turns out this bloke has mis-read his train ticket departure time and missed the train to Hat Yai.
Sheila: Missed by hours did he?
Alan: No, minutes. He spoke fairly decent Lao too so we could exchange a few words. He thought the train left at 1600 but, because his parents had always told him to be early for public transport, he and his family arrived just over an hour early. Missed the train by minutes. It had gone bang on time at 1445.
Sheila: Silly fool.
Alan: You should have heard what Trevor called him.
Sheila: I've told you I don't like you associating with that Trevor. I'm going to have a word with Dave's wife. I know she will knock some sense in to him and persuade him to stop hanging around that Trevor.
Alan: Well you might have to wait 'til she has spent Dave's extra 500 baht.
Sheila: (interested now) Go on.
Alan: Well do want to see mine?
Sheila: Alan I have seen it lots of times before. And your mother's in the front room.
Alan: No. Not that. My 500 baht.
Sheila: What?
Alan: That's right. 500 baht. That what those stupid foreigners paid me, Dave and Trevor, each, for helping them out.
Sheila: So what did you do, Al?
Alan: Well Trev says we'll beat the train to fifth station out of Hualampong. So, quick as we could, Trev put the two boys on his Honda. Smallest one on the petrol tank, biggest on the back and squeezed one of the bags between himself and the big lad.
Sheila: Right.
Alan: Dave took one of the cases and shoved it in the step through bit of his bike. He then put the hassled, but certainly very pretty, woman on the back and slid the little girl between them.
Sheila: Was she a blond girl?
Alan: Yeah.
Sheila: Ah. I hope you chucked her under the chin. You know how foreign children loved being chucked under the chin by every Thai, Cambodian, Malaysian and Chinese person that they see.
Alan: Don't worry. Course I did. And then the stunningly handsome and adventurous father clambered gracefully on to the back of my bike while I shoved his case in my step through bit. Somehow or other he managed to hold onto another case, wear a rucksack and hold very tightly on to me and the back handle of the bike.
Sheila: Skilled and handsome, you say?
Alan: He was not your type love. He was bald.
Sheila: Oh, bless. Well you know what they say about bald men? They have big....
Alan: Sheila! My mother is next door! So, we are all loaded up and Trev shouts "Follow me lads! We'll beat the train." And he roars off into the distance. You should have seen the look on the woman's face.
Sheila: Worried was she?
Alan: Ah she had nothing to worry about. Trevor's a good rider and Dave's motorbike is pretty safe. Trev used to race bikes for a while.
Sheila: And we know why he stopped, don't we.
Alan: Well I did me best to keep up, and so did Dave, but we couldn't. He was just too fast. It was good fun though. We weaved between taxis, overtook everything on the road. We even out-ran a few really posh saloons too. Ok we did get a bit too close to a bus. I never realised quite how hot those rear engines get, especially when you are only inches from them.
Sheila: Tell me you got to the fifth station out of Hualampong safely?
Alan: Yes, we did. Trev got there five minutes before everyone else and as me and Dave rounded the corner I saw him coming out of the station, big grin on his face. Turns out the foreigners had got to the station with three minutes to spare. It's high fives all round.
Sheila: Flukey foreigners more like.
Alan: So we unload and then Trev tries to sort out the cash. I would have been happy with a couple of hundred baht. 250 tops. Trev asks then for 1000 for each of us! Eventually we settled for 1600 between us. Trevor pockets the extra hundred. Well it's only fair. Woman says something about needing to leave some cash for food on the train and that.
Sheila: So they got on the train then?
Alan: Yeah. Calm as you like. Trev walks them on to the platform just as the train is announced. Handshakes all round. The stunningly handsome and adventurous father mumbles something about needing a beer and the train pulls in.
Sheila: So alls well then?
Alan: Yes indeed, my love.
Sheila: I always liked that Trevor.