By the skin of Astro's teeth the World Cup Package finally arrived in Chateau Lawrence. For once I had planned ahead carefully and initially applied for the necessary TV package on 27th April, six weeks in advance. I have documented the range of obstacles that Astro put in the way of themselves doing their job in detail previously but finally the thing was installed on Wednesday afternoon, just in time for the Thursday start. However there were a few last minute cock-ups. After a mere 43 days and seven phone calls to their call-centre an installer phoned on Tuesday at 1130 and seemed a little put out that I could not drop everything to be at home to make the installation convenient for him. I tried to arrange a definite time with him for the following day, but that was apparently not possible so he told me that he would phone me that evening to agree a time. By 9.00pm he had, as expected, not phoned. When I phoned him he agreed that it would be best to come to Chateau Lawrence on Wednesday when, Shirly, our excellent home-help, would be there, after 2.30pm. We settled on 3.30pm as the installation time.
On Wednesday he phoned again, this time at high noon, asking if he come immediately. Surely an arrangement is an arrangement?
I returned home at 5.30pm to find the thing installed. Marvellous. I really couldn't face trying to work it on an empty stomach so after dinner tried to switch on the World Cup Football Channel. Naturally it didn't work. Another phone call to the company, where I heard, yet again, how the poor sods were experiencing "high call volumes" (certainly not squads of satisfied customers ringing to say how brilliant the company was) and Astro agreed to switch the package on. Over breakfast on Friday morning I watched a little bit of live football. I almost felt a little emotional. Success, at last.
I felt slightly more emotional on Friday evening when the bloody thing did not work! I switched on, connected all the right cables and the sodding thing showed no sign of working. Yet another phone call to the company, yet another giving of my passport number (what is it with this whole passport thing?) and I learned that the HD service that I had asked for on one of the 43 days of waiting and phoning had not been added. Instead I had to do funny things to my TV to make it work.
Overall the whole process has been awful. The comedian in me suspects that it is a conspiracy between my mobile phone provider, Maxis, to make me make more calls to Astro (owned by Maxis) to increase profits. But bizarrely in all of the giving of passport numbers the one thing that has never been discussed is how I will actually be asked to pay for the service. No-one has appeared to be in the slightest bit interested in how money might change hands. How on earth does this terrible company survive?
Irony lovers will be pleased to know that instead of phoning the generally hopeless call-centre I could have sent an email to wecare@astro.com.my. The one email I sent to this address never received a reply. Perhaps wedontgiveashit@astro etc etc would be a much more accurate and honest choice.