What is it with human beings, their body parts and the various world religions?
On Thursday, Eid, so a religious day off here in KL, it felt like as good a time as any to take our guest for a visit to a couple of KL’s tourist sites. Firstly we visited Batu Caves a set of caves and hindu shrines that are, apparently, one of the most popular shrines outside of India. The 272 steps up to the three main caves are popular with the small Lawrences and parents alike as a good work out and the various restaurants at the foot of the steps are equally popular for a good old feed. The caves themselves and shrines were unexpectedly packed and so clambering up the steps, while dodging the pilgrims, tourists and monkeys was a challenge, but one that we all negotiated well. Well almost all of us….
The only person who failed to negotiate the steps was Lexi. She had the wrong sort of knees. While Trixie and I strode onwarsd and upwards Lexi had been detained at the bottom of the steps by an earnest lady who told her that she could not climb the steps with her knees showing. Lexi was wearing a knee length skirt and had thought to cover her shoulders, which are apparently also offensive under certain circumstances, but apparently she was in the wrong. As lots of shorts wearing men and women with visible shoulders passed her and the female enforcer by Lexi argued her case. Why did she have to cover her knees? Why were men not expected to cover their knees? Why were knees a problem today when they had not been a problem on other days when we had visited the same place? The answer that was offered to her was the good old Malaysian staple answer for all difficult and silly questions: policy. A cross Lexi fumed over a cold lemon juice while her knees watched on, not offending anything or anyone.
I am not sure how certain body parts belonging to certain people can be classed as offensive or irreligious. Some religions have major problems with hair, heads, armpits, shoulders, knees, strangely not toes, and even soles of feet and all of these seem to be arbitrary at best or oppressing at worst. The rebel in me quite likes the idea of visiting a range of shrines covering up just the listed body parts above and arguing with official body part enforcers that all listed offensive zones are hidden from the view of the easily offended. And since when have these body parts been offensive or in need of clamping down on? And if one chooses to accept the bizarre premise that a specified body part belonging to one sex is is some way distracting to the pilgrim, zealot or deity concerned then surely that same body part belonging to the other sex must be equally as troublesome and in need of covering?
There are many solutions. Naked worship at religious shrines? Practical in the tropics, as long as there is plenty of shade and clothes hangers. Long, shapeless, brown robes that everyone is required to wear? All body parts get covered, but not so good for the short who might trip easily and so be in need of extra elbow and knees padding and also not so good for very tall who might flash off a sinful ankle in the company of the almighty. The final solution could be to make a garment that revels in the joys of the oppressed body parts. From bottom to top it would look something like this: Trousers that finished just above the ankle with holes that were cut out to show off the knees caps. A similar smock-like top with a front pouch to hold one’s camera or smart phone and battery pack* and cut outs to show off the shoulders and armpits alike. This would not be the easiest top to put on, but with specially trained supervisors many arm and armpit hole confusions could be averted. In fact a giggle or two when mistakes are made might even put the worshipper in a more spiritual mood. Finally the head. A battery powered (see * for battery pack) oversized halo positioned twenty centimeters above one’s head with rainbow colored arrows pointing from the hall to the wearer head, drawing attention to their fine head of hair or fine lack of head of hair.
Yes. This costume is definitely the way forward. After all world religions would not like to think of themselves as being oppressive or sexist in any way would they?