robinlawrence’s Space

It was Rupert's 8th birthday yesterday and he has been looking forward to it ever since his seventh birthday.  Despite it being a normal busy school day Wednesday for all of us we did find time to make a batch of chocolate fairy cakes for him to take in to share with his class and gang.  It is important though to emphasize the 'We' in that statement.  I knocked up batch one only to discover that I had done my customary over-filling of cake cases.   The generously-filled, pre-cooked specimens came out of the oven in one tray-shaped cake vaguely demarcated with pink paper.  Lexi's second batch was naturally much better and all of the offerings remained as single cakes.  A bit of chocolate icing and a smartie later and the cakes were ready for devouring by Rupert's associates from 3S.  A little bit of attention to the other tray and they were ready for scoffing by Adora's resident security guys.  So waste not, want not, sort of thing.  Two suitably cleared trays returned to Chateau Lawrence which I am taking as a good sign, especially as all of the Adora's crack security team appear to be in the finest of health, just.

We have slightly broken with tradition this year in that we have allowed Rupert to take a gang of chums out on Sunday.  The venue is Get Crafty where 10 eight year olds will glue and stick things together and cover said objects and themselves with paint all in aid of art.  Rupert has carefully selected an aeroplane for the assembled boys to make and a rocking horse for the girls to tackle.  They will all have an hour to create and make and then it will be time for a lunch at Chili's, next door (children's menu specials).  

In other cultural news I took Rupert and Trixie to see Goldilocks and The Three Bears at PJLive Arts last Saturday.  Not being a natural fan of musical theatre I was not sure how well I was going to cope with the many songs interspersed with some appropriately wooden acting.  Surprisingly despite only falling asleep once, I quite enjoyed foot-tapping numbers like "You gotta itch and scratch," fortunately sung by the three bears, not Goldilocks.  While a play about how Goldilocks managed to keep her highly unnatural hair do in good shape and stave off nits might have been instructive the audience of little ones probably appreciated the original tale more.  The song itself had more than a passing resemblance to All That Jazz, sharing as it did the same rhythm, use of pauses and many of the same notes.  But as I keep reminding my iGCSE students 'Keep stealing ideas from other plays.'

Today's was Teachers Day in Malaysia, an event that Mr Gove and previous holders of the post of Minister of Education ought to take note of.  I knew nothing about it until I checked my emails this morning.  Dismissing it as a fad I got on with the serious business of making silent movies with year sevens and thought little more about the matter.  At the end of the lesson one girl hung around for a few moments and delved deep into her school bag, before calling out "Mr Lawrence."  I know my name so I stopped and paid attention.  She presented me with a chocolate brownie as a thank you and as a way to celebrate Teachers Day.  She said that her mum had made chocolate brownies for her to give to all of her teachers.  I was touched.  It was also delicious and went down very well with my break time coffee.  

I was on the quick dash to Tescos this evening, never a pleasant experience.  I had to collect more cake making equipment, this time for Sunday's festivities but was also charged with finding Lexi some more hair-conditioner.  I am no expert on this stuff and so normally follow one of two courses when having to buy hair tonics for my wife: buy whatever is on offer or try to buy something that I recognise.  I made a bit of a mistake though.  I stopped still in the hair stuff section and looked at the dizzying array of liquids, gels, preparations and lotions instead of lunging at anything that appeared familiar and hoping for the best.  Why the hell are there so many different sorts, colours and flavours?  What made me even more confused was the look of sheer delight on the faces of those lucky enough to be pictured on bottles.  Yes, if you use "Fresh and Fruity" you too could look like this.  After much angst I picked up a bottle of yellow stuff marked "Tesco Value," and then put it back.   Lexi has told me on many occasions that all hair shampoos, according to her science teacher, clearly an authority on the matter, have the same chemical formula as washing up liquid.  However even a balding cheapskate like me thought that presenting Lexi with a bottle that actually looked like washing-up liquid probably wasn't a good idea.  Thankfully I managed to see a bottle of green stuff that I think is the usual brand and grabbed that.

Half term holidays are on their way soon.  Annoyingly my school's week off is later than Lexi's so nothing more than a family weekend away can be considered.  I have therefore booked two nights in Melaka for next weekend for us all.  The choice of hotels was nearly as perplexing as buying hair stuff and I was sorely tempted to book rooms at the modestly named, Hotel Brilliant.  Sadly the pictures looked more like Hotel Not Too Bad But Not That Great Either so I settled for a different place instead.  For the week that Lexi is working and the children and I are off I have booked a few days in, or should I say on (?) the island of Langkawi.

More news as and when.

Last night I received a cryptic and amusing Facebook message from a fellow teacher, a teacher who has the mixed pleasure of teaching Trixie.  The story goes something like this.  It was an all action year one phonics lesson and the teacher called, well let's just call her Miss as I do my best not to name too many people in this blog, was introducing her year one charges to the exciting world of all things phonics.  Out of nowhere one boy approached Miss, placed a hand on her shoulder and sand "Oooo, sexy lady!"  Miss was suitably impressed / flattered / appalled (delete as applicable) and asked of the chap "Oh, I am a sexy lady am I?  Thank you."  

Now that should have been when the story ended and the matter closed.   But no.  Trixie decided that she needed to demonstrate what aneffective contributor she was and decided to announce "My Daddy is sexy.  He walks around the house with his top off."  Untroubled by her proclamation Trixie returned to work leaving Miss, so my reliable source informs me, in fits of the giggles.

Even 24 hours later the incident is still making me laugh, but I think that I should really clear a few matters up while trying not to dig myself deeper in to a hole.  Yes it is hot in Malaysia and on certain, particularly warm evenings, I have been known to remove my top layer of clothing, largely as an  energy  saving measure, you see, to reduce the Lawrence consumption of electricity on air-conditioning.  As for the other matter the least said about that the better.   Henceforth I will make sure that I mention, at least once a day and within ear-shot of Trixie, that I see myself as dashingly handsome.  That's a far more appropriate phrase for daughters to announce during phonics lessons.

In other news it is raining and I am enjoying playing with my recently issued school iPad.  

Writing at 9.30pm here on Sunday evening, enjoying a cool 27 degrees Celsius I am left thinking about whether tomorrow is going to be a snow day.   It’s always a close run thing between children and teachers as to who likes those days off for snow more.  It is a certainty that it is not the parents who have to make alternative arrangements for their little darlings when schools are closed though.   However there is still great excitement for both the educators and those seeking education when there is even the remotest possibility of having a day off caused by snow.  

Here in Malaysia, as I write, there is an outside chance of a sort of snow day off tomorrow.  Today is General Election Day.  It is reputed to be a close run thing between the current, and only ever, ruling party and the opposition alliance.  Rumours of corruption abound with tales including about whether the indelible ink used is actually indelible and people being flown to home states at Government expense to vote.  However the strongest rumour doing the rounds is that the winning party will declare tomorrow a National Holiday.  So as not to be outdown, out voted or voted out both leading parties have apparently declared the same promise, a promise that is potentially full of problems.   With election results supposedly being declared at around midnight how exactly will the message get to everyone?  Lexi’s school has taken the wise decision to close anyway but surely shutting the country for a day needs more than a few minutes notice?   The last time my previous school closed for snow I learned about it from Heart FM while driving to work and so consequently turned round and went home.  Should I tune into Heart tomorrow just in case?  My parents reckon that I should try Radio Norfolk.

Culturally it has been a marvellous couple of days.  One of my colleagues and I took a small group of year 12s to Singapore on Friday and Saturday to see some plays.  “Some plays” doesn’t really do the trip any form of justice as Friday’s cultural feast was an open air production of Othello in the impressive surrounding of Fort Canning Park.  Sponsored by J P Morgan and Audi no expense had been spared on the set: a massive collection of shipping containers, scaffolding and a huge circular projection screen which came together to represent a desert warfare set.  Steaming in the humid evening air eating great local noodle and rice dishes the heat added an extra layer of oppression to the hard and tough setting.  The students and I also enjoyed and after show question and answer session as well as the arrival of the Duke of Venice, driven on to the vast stage in, wait for it, an Audi.

After a few hours sleep at the YMCA, a place that is apparently really fun to stay at, my colleague and I spent Saturday morning reviewing the play with the students before letting them have an hours play time.  I sneaked off for swift natter with a mate who works lives in Singapore and then it was time for the second play.

Performed at the simply named, but very plush, Drama Centre Saturday afternoon’s offering was an all male version of The Importance of Being Earnest.   The play was conceived by Wild Rice Theatre Company and was very good indeed.  Sporting Victorian hats and black or white tail coated suits their version included energetic, frantic paced arguments between Jack (later to become Ernest) and Algernon while the girlie girlieness of Gwendolin and Cecilie had the audience in stitches.  Lady Bracknell was an authoritarian and easily corrupted mincing queen whose crimson outfit won the battle of the suits.  The high-camp, high-energy show was topped by, somewhat unexpectedly, the excellent performance of the bashful Miss Prism with his longing glances at an equally entertaining Dr Chasuable.   The audience were in fits of laughter all the way through and it made a marvellous contrast to Othello.

After the show it was a swift, number 36 bus ride back to Changi Airport for the hour flight back to KL.

All I all it was a great school trip.  Yes it was loads of hassle booking the four parts to the adventure.  Air Asia once again provided trouble free transport but exceptionally difficult booking arrangements.  In the normal world people get discounts for making group bookings, don’t they?  Air Asia puts the price up for bookings in excess of nine people leaving teachers like me the option of buying much reduced “promo prices”, but having to type in the name of each and every student myself and then hope there are enough seats on the flight, or paying the inflated cost.  Equally there were fun and games when trying to book with the school credit card.  However all that can wait until it is time to book the next dramatic adventure which, I am hoping, will not be too far away.

In other Drama related news a year seven student asked me last week at Drama Club a question that could only be asked during a session on improvisation: Mr Lawrence, how exactly does a rabbit push a shopping trolley?

Back at home Edwin and Trixie are enjoying the recently bought bicycles.  Trixie is our speed queen while Edwin is enjoying the freedom of having his own transportation.  The bike that we bought for Rupert is currently being enjoyed by a local seven year old friend.  Rupert will ride it, eventually, I am sure.

Alright so it rained today. What's the big deal? Well when it rains here it rains properly and this was proper rain. In my old school proper rain had to be approved by one of the deputy-heads. Seeing himself as a blend of Michael Fish, a dictator and a coffee machine he would decide when rain fell whether it was proper, official rain. If it was proper rain children were allowed inside and staff had to forego their break time hot drinks to supervise in classrooms. It is safe to say that rarely did it rain properly.

I played football after school on Friday, very badly, but more of that in a bit.

This afternoon the Lawrence Clan went to Bukit Jalil Stadium to do some sporting research.  The event in question that we went to analyse was a gang of former Premier League footballers dashing around playing six aside games along with a Malaysian Allstars team.  The event was organised in to four teams, the already mentioned Malaysian Allstars, Liverpool Legends, EPL (English Premier League) Allstars and Manchester United Legends.  And there were some legends present.  The Liverpool Team were household names for the football followers of the late 90s and 00s.  Jerzy Dudek in goal, defenders including Rob Jones, midfielders of Dietmar Harman and Steve McManamen and then the ever youthful Robbie Fowler.  The resident commentator must have been paid by the number of times he mentioned Mr Fowler's name, either that or he had difficulty working out just who Steve Harkness was or why the team included 56 year old Mark Wright.

The EPL Allstars shone with various degrees of lustrousness.  Dennis Wise, in his playing days probably the most inaccurately named footballer, ran the show, and scored a splendid semi-overhead goal, even he is getting on a bit.  Tor Andre Flo managed to glide in and out of the game while Phil Babb marshalled the defence.  The Malaysian Allstars were a bit out of their depth, but put up a spirited display against the other veterans.  I am sure the two goals that they scored against Liverpool were generous donations though.  Having knocked in two it was left to Dietmar Harman to reply buy chipping the ball over the Malaysian goalie's head from the halfway line, the message clearly being "Look, mate, this is how you score goals."

In the case of the Manchester United team the title "Legends" was almost stretched to breaking point, a bit like the indoor carpet pitch that had to re-stuck down between every eight minute half.  I could accept that Lee Sharpe and Ronnie Johnson could be classed as potential legends, both of them having actually played reasonably often for the team.  I  also accepted Clayton Blackmore, although I found great difficulty in accepting his hair do, bleached blond on top, apparently due to a hair transplant.  But announcing David Johnson and Carl Muggleton as Manchester United legends was really stretching credibility.  Yes David Johnson did spend two years of his career at Manchester United but he only featured once as an unused substitute for them while a quick look at wikipedia confirms that Carl Muggleton appears to have played for almost every team except Manchester United.  Still his presence in Malaysia could have been more than just to play exhibition football.  He may also have been invited to offer much needed driving lessons to motorists here in his capacity as a qualified driving instructor (as well as goalkeeping coach).

Just before the final of the competition there was a "Hit The Cross-Bar" competition.  Names were randomly selected out of a large container by Lee Sharpe and these lucky people were then invited to proceed down to pitch level to try to hit the crossbar three times.  Their prize?  A car.  It felt a bit like a mixture of Superstars, 3-2-1 and  Sale of The Century.  "So, Mohammed, good luck with this shot.  You are going for the car!"  The difficulty of the task was made clear to all fans watching as one of the Manchester United alleged legends attempted the feat during the draw and only managed one success in five shots.  I heard one spectator say "Funny how most of the people drawn out at random appear to from the VIP section."

Silly comments aside though it was an entertaining afternoon.  The players were clearly enjoying the event as much as the commentator and the crowd and listening to rousing choruses of "You'll Never Walk Alone" coming from one end of the indoor arena would have gladdened the hearts of all Liverpool fans.  

This afternoon can definitely be classed as research.  I enjoyed my stagger around on the football pitch after work on Friday.  I managed to stretch and reach the ball on several occasions and even succeeded in kicking the ball towards the wrong side of the goal, as well as over it with alarming regularity.  Therefore I needed to see how the ex professionals did it.  Clayton Blackmore was a master of missing the goal even Dennis Wise missed a few sitters.  It happens to the best of, can I say us?

Funny place, China. 

Ok the Lawrence Clan didn’t see much of the country, it is huge after all, although with the crowds of people everywhere we went it did feel like we had met most of the population.  Certainly many Chinese people now have a new treasured possession: a photo of Trixie.  Whenever we were out and about and walking in Duck and Ducklings formation, Lexi leading with descending order of Lawrence offspring following and me at the back,  Chinese smart phones were pulled out and people got snapping and filming.  The one-child policy appears to be rigidly enforced so the sight of first foreigners, then add to that foreigners with children, three of them, and two of them being blond was just too much to resist.  

There is a genuine liking or love for children among the Chinese, evident not just from the number of times we were stopped and asked for photos, in varying degrees of English proficiency, but it is also clear from doting parents and grand-parents taking their little ones out and about that children are extremely important in Chinese society.  This is admirable particularly with the rise of the demonisation of youth in the UK media.  However my memory of children and China is a bit more concerning.   There appears to be more boys than girls.  My comments are only based on 12 days in Beijing and Xian and are not particularly scientific but I made sure that several times during my trip I stopped and counted all the children I could see, noting the numbers of boys and girls.  Every time I did it there were more boys than girls.  Not much can be read into my small attempt into sociological research but if it is in any way indicative of a larger issue in China then this has the potential to be very worrying indeed.

To make sure that we behaved ourselves at all times police officers, customs officers and traffic wardens  abounded.  Generally the police went around in pairs and occasionally wore uniforms that fitted.  The more senior the officer the more likely they were to be wearing the right size and the bag checking officers all looked just right in their uniform.  The officers who were the most comfortable were the ones who sat in heavily armoured, black,  hummer-like vehicles positioned around Tianamen Square.  The beady-eyed occupants had their ultimate patrol cars’ engines running at all times and were clearly primed to pounce on any possible miscreants.  I would imagine that the lower rank blokes, because they mainly were blokes, who drove around in mid 1980s Volkswagons could only dream of being put on hummer duty.  While the lowly street police simply wanted a pair of trousers that fitted.

While stamping out public protest or the dreaded democracy was high on the list of key police duties stamping out touts was not.  On a visit to the Olympic Village we decided that we should take the children for a swim in the aquatics centre.  I was feeling rough that day so opted to help get everyone there and then go back to the hotel for a sleep.  However I did hang around long enough to make sure that everyone got in ok.  About 50m from the main entrance we were approached by our first tout who, in confident English, offered us tickets at less than half the official price.  Employing the “If it appears too good to be true, then it probably is too good to be true approach” we ignored his persistence and went to the main entrance.  Four blokes in suits that fitted turned us away. Between them managed to say “counter five” and pointed.  Passing two more touts we found counter five, apparently the only ticket counter around, and set about trying to buy official tickets.  As usual the lady selling tickets spoke no English at and appeared to be flummoxed.  What on earth did we want?  Eventually, thanks to lots of miming and pointing at children and Lexi we managed to communicate that we wanted to buy tickets and money was exchanged.  The ticket price was double what the touts wanted, but at least the tickets did work and the suited fellows let our tribe in.  It was yet another bizarre moment that the legitimate ticket sellers could not communicate with us but the dodgy ones were very skilled indeed.   Lexi had a similar experience in a so-called “Tourist Centre” in Xian.  She went and asked to buy a map.  Her request was met with total lack of comprehension.  No amount of pointing, shouting or miming met with any success at all.  If you never seen a grown woman miming “map” then please ask Lexi to demonstrate sometime.  It really is a splendid sight and would make Lionel Blair and Una Stubbs jealous.  It clearly works as she was able to buy a map from a street seller close to the inaccurately titled tourist centre, all thanks to the power of mime.  Who said Drama was no use?

Fortunately not everything we got up to in Xian, near-ish to the home of the Terracotta Warriors, was quite so confusing.  There was one guy who worked in our hotel who spoke a few words of English and prided himself on his pronunciation, which was indeed very good.  He very kindly wrote down the names of the places that we wanted to go to so that all we had to do was show the piece of paper to any taxi driver and off we went.  We it was almost that simple.  Xian did appear to have thousands of taxis, but they appeared to be in use all the time.  Then there was the too many children problem.  Each taxi was only licensed to carry four, a bit of problem for us lot.  We got round it eventually by hiding Rupert behind some suitable object or parent and then, when a vacant taxi finally appeared, he would dash into the back and sit on the floor behind the driver’s seat.  The whole foreigner with children and pieces of paper thing then created enough of a diversion in the taxi drivers’ minds that they all failed to do a head count and we travelled to where we wanted to go.  Rupert was then permitted to sit on the back seat when we judged that the meter had ticked over to a sufficient enough price to ensure that the driver was not about to kick us out.

The Terracotta Warriors themselves were rather impressive, and as with the other tourist attractions we visited were packed with people.  We were perhaps more taken with the idea of Xian’s other advertised tourist attraction, on the road to the Terracotta Warriors.  This sign gave directions to “The Terracotta Worriers.”  This attraction was infinitely more appealing than their braver and all-round more confident cousins.  Equally confusing were the translations of signs at Beijing Zoo and the Ming Tombs.   The sign that the children and I found next to a set of stairs was probably the most inspiring as it read “Those with heart problems, elderly or disabled should throw caution to the forward slope.”  I had hopeful visions of retired angina sufferers in wheelchairs arriving at the obstacle in question and declaring “Well I got this far so I might as well go for it!” and letting their brakes go for one last, glorious dash into adrenaline fuelled and care-free oblivion.   Language errors can be extremely funny, including the dish advertised as “black fungus good for the cleaning of the lungs” but they can also create confusion as well as make the thing they are trying to describe look silly.  Dual language signage costs lots, but inaccurate signage can back fire (I dread to think how that might be translated!)

Overall our China adventure was certainly an eye-opening experience.  Although I am not planning to rush back I did enjoy it.   The extremes are visible everywhere: the Audis and VWs and then just round the corner the people take food out of bins and eating it.  Could some of the many millions spent on internal security be diverted into social security?  Then there was the continual development.  Every city that the express train stopped in on our 1200km to Xian appeared to have been knocked down and rebuilt as a clone of the previous one with towering condos replacing historic courtyards.  And finally there was the small issue of freedom.  I have found writing my rambling blog quite therapeutic but the soon to be closed www.posterous.com was clearly on the list of banned sites in China, so publishing my ramblings was out of the question.  The Chinese economic miracle, post Tianamen, has been to make its population as wealthy as possible so that they become too accustomed to materialistic trappings and tummies full of KFC to stop them wanting freedom.  What harm can writing your thoughts cause? 

We have pretty much crammed as much as possible into our five hand-luggage cases, changed some money, got passports ready and arranged for a taxi to collect us on arrival in Beijing.  Yes there are the many last minute things to get done such as find the battery charger and plug adaptor (where do these things go between trips?) and finally decide what shoes to take, but apart from all that Lawrences are sort of ready for our excursion to China.  Well almost.

Rupert volunteered to take on some useful preparation at school, especially as he had Mandarin today.  He said he would ask his teacher for useful Mandarin food words so that he could be involved in the grub ordering process and not have to rely on the good old tourist stand-by of pointing and shouting.  It should be noted that he has quite a good Mandarin vocabulary so far but that mainly includes colours, names of pet animals and family members.  Neither Lexi nor I wish eat a green Grandma holding a cat.  He duly did ask and his teacher who kindly put together a very helpful list for him.  Great.  He was very pleased with himself and I would have been equally pleased with him had he remembered to bring the list home.  Ten out of ten for effort, but for execution?

Getting the visa for China was a fraught process.  It involved me filling in a seven page form for each of us, printing it off, and delivering it to the Chinese Embassy in KL.  When I arrived at the place, inconvenient opening hours of 1000 to 1500, the first official informed me that I needed to provide details of the flights and photocopies of our passports.  This was not easy as he told me that the visa office did not have any internet.  Getting the documents involved me finding a nearby shopping centre, being told there was no internet café there, asking a second shopkeeper who said there was an internet café, finding the internet café, saying naughty words when I discovered that the internet was not working, eventually getting the stuff I needed, running back to the Embassy and making it back in just in time.  Amazingly our visas were ready for collection four days later, all for the total sum of RM790.  It was a good job none of the Lawrences were Americans as the Chinese appear to like charging them RM 465 per visa.  So much for international understanding.

Yesterday I watched the latest cultural event starring one of our sprogs.  Rupert’s class, along with his counterparts in 3L, were performing their end of term play, grandly titled “Master Chef – The Musical.”  They had been working on the topic of Chocolate looking at it through history, in its various edible states and learning more than I could believe about The Mayans.  The show involved lots of sequences of the real Greg and John interviewing children from 3S and 3L, thanks to their teachers’ skills of video-editing.  It then showed four great ways of making chocolate resulting in each way being judged by a year 3 Greg, complete with bald wig, and, in the interests of equality, a year 3 Michelle.  In between the chocolate demonstrating and cooking scenes the class sang chocolatey lyrics to a variety of well-known tunes, including Queen and ACDC numbers.  Great entertainment.  Thanks to Lexi finishing school a little earlier that day both she and I were able to get there in time to see all of the show as well as making sure we listened attentively to Rupert’s crucial one line solo in the first song.

Back to reality with a bump though Rupert has managed to lose his latest school hat.